• What is gardening? “The art of killing weeds and bugs to grow flowers and crops for animals and birds to eat,” according to Henry Beard & Roy McKie.
• “Your first job is to prepare the soil,” writes Dave Barry. “The best tool for this is your neighbor’s motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.”
• “Before you start planting,” The Onion tells us, “make sure your local terrain is conducive to growing the kinds of vegetables you can stuff with cheese and deep-fry.”
• The best way to garden? “Put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes, and with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig,” advises Texas Bix Bender.
• Gardening with kids — get one writer’s entertaining take.
• Take the “Plant Passion Test” to see how passionate you are about plants.
• And take the “Gardening Madness Test” to see if you are truly a Mad Gardener or merely an ordinary human being.

And a SHEDFUL more.